Unfortuately read

I have just waded my way through the first part of The Black Swan. I have given up reading the rest as the style of the writer is painfull at best and self indulgent at worst. I found myself seriously considering suicide as the better option after page 150. Any author that decides to use the initial letters of his name as a reference to themselves is deluded in the extreme. I am sure that he has been lucky in the past probably from the left field or black swan area but as I trudged through the treacle that passes as interesting writing I wondered what on earth roasted black swan tasted like.
Won't bother with the rest of the book as it is handy for keeping the toilet door closed.

Making the right choices

Waiting for change
In the last few hours, in between bouts of melancholic writhing, I have has the opportunity to reflect about the forthcoming UK elections. All the rhetoric and hot air on who has business support over which policies and who doesn't is a major slight of hand. Government of types shapes and sizes is generally loathed by business. We don't care who delivers the bad news but we want someone to stop the pain first then have the balls to do what's right not what is popular. I have rarely been popular but often right and do you know if we expect change then are we not the stupid proletariat!
Is it not better to know where our leaders are going to mess up than to fall for false promises that in our hearts we know can't actually happen. Floating voters are what's in it for me people and need their minds made up for them. Stop pandering to the mindless and focus on society. I know who I am definitely not going to vote for!

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Something I picked up from Chris Cardell

I have been following Chris for a number of years and his last email just about summed up the problems we have in encouraging businesses to survive. I have cut out most of the important stuff so here it is and thanks to Chris for putting so succinctly...
As business owners, we can never be good enough at following up with our customers.

I refuse to let a business owner moan to me about the economy until they have a multi step follow up sequence of 7-30 contacts (email, mail, postcard, telephone etc.) with everyone who comes into contact with their business as a potential or paying customer or client.

Funnily enough, when people do this, they tend to make so much money from increased sales, they just shrug off the Recession and stop talking about it.

As business owners, we can’t afford to make the big, costly mistake of not following up, because one way or another we pay good money to get leads, and if we let them disappear without them becoming customers, then it’s money we’ve wasted.

And just in case you have any doubts about how important this is, here are some scary statistics:

48% of sales people never follow up with a prospect
25% of sales people make a second contact and stop
12% of sales people only make three contacts and stop

It’s staggering, but only 10 % of businesses make more than three contacts. This means they’re losing a small fortune.

Because...

2% of sales are made on the first contact
3% of sales are made on the second contact
5% of sales are made on the third contact
10% of sales are made on the fourth contact
80% of sales are made on the fifth to twelfth contact

So if you’re like almost half of all businesses and make no more than one follow-up to your prospects... you’re leaving 98% of your income on the table for someone else to come along and pick up.

If that wasn’t bad enough, here’s why it’s even worse. Look at these eye-opening statistics about why people stop buying from businesses:

1% die.
3% move away.
5% follow a friend’s or relative’s recommendation.
9% find an alternative they perceive to be better quality or value.
14% are dissatisfied with the products or services.

And a massive 68% of people leave a business because of… indifference.

They take their business elsewhere simply because they do not feel valued.

Since you spend a lot of time, money, and effort to get a visitor to your business, if you let them leave because of indifference, you might as well be flushing £20 notes away.

They take their business elsewhere simply because they do not feel valued.

So, how often should you follow up? Most business owners I speak to follow up maybe once a month, if they use follow up at all. This is a mistake. You can quite safely send something once or twice a week.

See, it's not the quantity of stuff that annoys people. What annoys them is if it's boring, and nothing but requests that they buy something from you. As long as your follow up is friendly, personal, full of personality and fun, then you'll be fine.

There’s a golden rule in Marketing that will make you wealthy. Once you have someone’s details keep on following up until they either buy, die, or tell you to stop!

Enjoy

Blame everyone but yourself

Why is it that when I talk to business owners they need someone to blame; the government, their suppliers, the weather, their staff and last but not least their customers.
Whatever happened to service whatever happened to is there anything else I can do for you.
Throughout the ages people have been blaming everything from God to the spirits for their misfortune but only themselves for their good luck.
My take is that it is all my fault I take the blame for everything and every problem the difference is that I really don't care. I shall sleep soundly in my sleep knowing that I have bought the world to an abrupt halt.
If others care too much they should put a bit more energy into keeping themselves on top of the situation.
Take heed there are many of us out there who only want to do the best we can so beware of idiots and chancers don't argue with those that know better just sit back take it in and then take action...

Make a difference don't make a noise

If you are gripped in the knowledge that the world is coming to an end and that scientists are not always right then start making a noise. The whole of the world seems to be clinging on to the idea that one group of people know a whole lot more than everyone else. This is unlikely to be any form of government anywhere in the world.
I would like to know why is that polititians make a whole lot more sense when they have left office than they ever did when they had the opportunity to make a difference. Try to ignore the cynic in me for a moment and take a look at this whole "iraqi trial by the press bollocks" that is going on at the moment. I would like every person out there to convince me that every thing they thought or did last week was for the common good of their fellow man! No? oh dear now you are to blame.
I would like you to remove your skin and roll around in the salt and lemon until we are all satisfied that you have suffered enough because we have suffered so much by your unthinking and selfish acts... What are they well - who knows because I sure as hell don't!

I've been thinking

I have be with a few clients recently who have been looking for quick fixes.. something that is not possible in my world. If a company is desperately wanting to save money now then the quickest and by far the easiest way is to sack 50% of the staff. The impact won't be felt until the end of the year but you will have achived immediate savings.
Nothing you do today will affect tomorrows sales or the next days or in fact this months it may have some influence in six weeks time but to be totally effective you need to plan much more in advance. The reason that you have no sales now is because you did nothing about it three months ago.
Sitting on your arse will not help. Get on with it decide what needs to be done and do it.
If you don't someone else will and you will become superfluous.
Can't help you today but can help you today for two months time.

Sno's gone

So the snow has receded and the brains of the major political parties have gone into the same dirty slush. Thinking in a clear and coherent manner has been replaced with child like burbling and dribbling over everything from Iraq to the Banks and the thought of everyones Eton Fag taking over as Chancellor scares the hell out of me the guy can't add up his own expenses never mind the need to count well enough to make sense of large and unwieldly economy!
Oh crap.
I have been listening to business owners that feel that getting through the recent difficult set backs as being a success in its own right... Sorry to tell you but that was the least we can expect from you as failure was only for those who borrowed n against a dream they were unwilling to work for.
Performance is about doing better than you ever thought possible and actually planning for that outcome a bit like Schroedinger's cat if you don't plan for out planning then you are wrong and if you do you are wrong - its there but it isn't.
Welcome to the real world I think!...

Why I hate the weatherman

The weather is not something we have any control over neither are many other things in our lives so why oh why do we try so hard to bring some order to the chaos. We are by nature beast that are supposed to hunt and take risks but the continual blame culture we have nurtered is damaging everyone.
Taking care not to damage anyone else is each individuals own responsibility not that of Government or Social Services or anyone else we like to apportion blame on.
The painful self flagellation that is going on in London at some hearing is just such a point the inability to accept reality is upon us all.
Paedophiles and Murderers do not hide behind every bush and we are not all out to "get" each other at every turn.
Start off by being accountable for your actions and don't look for someone to blame when things go wrong its your fault live with it!

Christmas is over now lets get on with it!

I've been hearing lots about how we are all doomed for the next 400 years and that if we don't do something about Recession/Global Warming/Badly Behaving Children/Moaning Adults we are never going to be proper human beings again. Absolute rubbish: I think we should hark back to the old days - days of high infant mortality, starvation, cholera and drunkeness (hang on apart from the degredation bits its no different than it was things must have gotten better.
I say to all my clients stop moaning and prevaricating just get on with it and do something anything is better than nothing

Employees need a change

You can tell when we are getting more confidence about the economy because the first opportunity to take a little risk is upon us. Most employees stay put when there is a downturn and hang on in there. Most bosses know this instinctively so they start flexing their muscles and when the boss says it's tough out there he is just re-enforcing his employees desire for stability.
I will let you into a secret... There is no stability never has been and never will be! It really is just what you can make of things.
Now that the winter is in full swing and that people believe they may survive the economic and weather onslaught for another year (even though they have survived it for all of their life so far) its time to brush up the CV to snap back at the boss and to engage in a bit of pro active dreaming.
In my view its time to stop hibernating and sheep walking and start your own business. One thing to always rememeber is that you can never get sacked for looking at dubious websites at work if you are your own boss.
So think on and get a bit uppity with the boss. You're moving on up as Curtis Mayfield would have you believe...

Waiting in line

How many times do we sit and wait I mean just wait not for anything in particular but just in case?
I was sitting and waiting and thinking as we all do and wondering where does all the time go...
Well if I sit here waiting I know where it goes so I decided to add something in writing to the blog.
I have a few maxims in my life which I find fit every occasion things like "I was waiting so long for success to come my way in the end I gave up waiting and went out to look for it" and "People only treat other people badly because we let them" Speak up I say shout out how good you are because if you don't think your good how on earth is anyone else going to. Back to my waiting now this time with and extra strong latte!

Waiting for the onslaught

Over the past 12 Months the world has certainly gone a bit haywire. I have worked tirelessly in trying to maintain confidence in all my clients, some get it some unfortunately don't and all they see is a great big depression with all the negative news and the banking fiasco but hang on a minute was everyone damaged beyond repair? I think not Goldman Sachs kept their heads down and refused to sit there with their hands out like street beggars in suits. They seem to have done rather well out of all this turmoil.
With the jobless staying in hefty numbers yet again we are asked to consider the plight of the new students coming out of University with little of real value to their names. I do feel sorry for them but then again this is the first time they have been conned into thinking that a degree in "media studies" is actually anything more than a boondoggle but don't blame employers they can only work with the crap that comes to them. I am afraid there is no easy route to getting an education. Drawing pretty pictures whether on film or on paper is just that a self indulgence we would all like the time to do but is a complete and utter employers nightmare.

Working on the way to London

Here we go again another week nearly over and its only Tuesday. I spent all weekend in bed feeling sorry for myself as I was due to speak at a conference I assisted in organising but on Friday Night after travelling back from Cornwall I was struck down by a cold (man flu; for all you condescending ladies out there) I spent the weekend in bed and not in a nice way either!
Finally managed to get myself together to go into work yesterday only to find out that one of my staff down in Cornwall suffered a complete breakdown and walked out on the company. No real explanation just saying that she did not ask for the responsibility and was going to spend time with her family instead. Highly questionable on both counts but young people these days complain that they do not get enough opportunity to prove themselves and when you give it to them they just roll over and cry out for help. I have decided that I will only be looking for graduates well that's not the only criteria they must have graduated before 1980 when education was exactly that teaching young people about values that they don't have a clue about. Like commitment, integrity, trust and loyalty. I know that we have to cater for the short term concentration of the young but I would like to think that some people plan for a little longer than the next release of a playstation game.

Feeding of the wise words of others

Its that time again when I have just returned from a conference where all the speakers make so much sense that it seems like I should have done something else with my life. A certain amount of envy about the easy way they can get their ideas across so easily.
One or two of the ideas are great to take back to my clients and make them think they are my ideas hence feeding of the wise words of others. I don't think that it can be categorised as plagiarism I think that is should be looked upon as recycling on a grand scale ideas are heavier than CO2 and can weigh so much more than all the usual trash. I have this idea that most small businesses are actually scared of selling their wares I think that are not that happy about customers buying stuff from them in the first place.
My words of garbled wisdom to a client recently were "there are no grants for you type of business so just get of your arse and sell something" to which they replied "we don't know how to"
Why do we let these people out of the cage?

Just read!

I am on the train on the way home from another long meeting and I have just completed Seth Godin's book Tribes. For anyone who needs to exert influence on others this is a must read tome. You will get to grips with what you already know but didn't want to own up to. So get a copy and start to lead you own tribe. This book let's you into a secret on using online networking so get it or ask to borrow my copy!

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Government Success Strategies

I was sent this by my brother in New Zealand who still does not what I do for a living so I thought it worth repeating here

Tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians (so legend has it), passed on from generation to generation, says that,
"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."

However, in government, education and the corporate world, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Giving horse and rider a good bollocking.
4. Re-structuring the dead horse's reward scale to contain a performance-related element.
5. Suspending the horse's access to the executive grassy meadow until performance targets are met.
6. Making the horse work late shifts and weekends.
7. Scrutinising and clawing back a percentage of the horse's past 12 months expenses payments.
8. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
9. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.
10. Convening a dead horse productivity improvement workshop.
11. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
12. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
13. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
14. Outsourcing the management of the dead horse.
15. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
16. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance.
17. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
18. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
19. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses. And, finally, the highly effective...
20. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Take a look at your options on hiding the inevitable under the hay!

Refreshing or what?

Leaving the house this morning I felt a refreshing chill in the air, first time this autumn. I love this time of year it signals the restarting of a longish work period before Christmas. It's time to get busy again. Forget the doom and gloom merchants the OECD, BBC and the daily mail. Its really good out here whatever is going on and if we have to wait a bit longer to come out of this media created "recession" than france or germany so what! It's no coincidence that still desperately need the UK to join the euro so get up and face the fresh calming air.
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A new month and a new season.

Where do we go from here petrol up a few pence and winter almost back again?

But in reality its just a day past yesterday and nothing is really that different just your state of mind. So get a grip and focus on the great unknown just around the corner. Your greatest contract is just round the corner trust me. But if you are to scared to look then I'll take it and thanks. No really a big thanks to the meek they make life so much easier for the rest of us.

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How long?

So Germany and France are out of the "worst recession" since the great depression after about 12 months! Doesn't it strike you as odd that the so called harbingers of doom got it wrong! This was without doubt the shortest recession in the history of media cons. At least the reporters in the BBC and those who work on the MAIL have kept in work not that I am sure why!
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Getting it right

I have been running around from one place to another recently without much idea on what I am trying to achieve. This goes against everything I get my clients to do but then why follow your own advice!
But then time management has never been my strong suit. The basis of every success is to devise a plan and work that plan. The more you slack on that one the harder it will be to gain control and get some balance back.
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In short what do you do?

How many of us can rely on our memories to coherently tell people we have just met what we do? Why we do it? And why they should keep us in mind for future business? Remember that almost all the best speeches have been well prepared and rehearsed until they seem "off the cuff" tough isn't it?
Content should appeal not only to the listener but to the twenty people they meet today who they need to impress. So next time you present your elevator pitch or one minute promotion please bear it in mind that you need to give me enough good stuff about your business to make me look good!

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Competition?

How many of us really know who or what is competition? Not many people it seems. I became curious yesterday by talking with someone who really had no idea what competition was or what benefit it could bring their company. More importantly they were unaware where the real danger to their business came from. In short you are far more likely to do serious damage to your own business with a closed attitude than anything anyone else could even try to do to you. So keeping your mind open will keep you doors open.
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Tax shouldn't be taxing......

I am having increasing problems just getting HMRC to understand basic mathematics at the moment so if you too are experiencing the benefits of a dumbed down educational system with lazy confrontational staff based in Shipley who will not come out from behind their desks then join the club.
I have finally decided to explain to the HMRC that they are getting no more money out of my company until they find out where the last £125K has gone.

I can only ignore them now and write on every demand "account in dispute" with the word dispute in bold red letters!

Marketing Logic and where is next meal coming from

I was talking to a client trying to explain how they should profile their existing best customers in order to find clients that are similar who are more likely to have what they want and we did have a couple of misunderstandings as they thought that I wanted to market to their existing customers and in the great scheme of things that is probably what I would have suggested they do as mining the existing customer base is an excellent source of low cost easy to sell to customers which don't leave you feeling like you have to introduce yourself time and time again. However this is not what I mean't and in the end I had to get out the ol' bag of analogies and the one that seemed to fit best was the lion's lunch.
Lions sit around the drinking pool all afternoon not because they are thirsty or in case they will get thirsty later it's because by and by their lunch will pop along, probably in a weakened state ready to be snapped up. Weakened because in the world of the gazelle, smartish creatures who can spot a lion from a sniff in the wind 10 miles away and a pool of drinking water 20 miles away but they have to weigh up how long can they try to wait out the lions, hoping for boredom, until they just cannot wait any longer for a drink and having to face the snoozing preditor against dropping down with heat exhaustion and dying of thirst. I reckon that they think that they can get away with it if only their mates get eaten first so they go on down en-masse and attempt to slurp it up. My money is on the Lion as whatever happens he has weighed it up and will probably either get a healthy fresh snack or a bit of a dehydrated take away - worst case. The analogy a bit long winded is that the Lion has profiled his lunch and knows their behaviour and with the right attack strategy will snaffle enough earnings to feed the wife and kids for another day at least then it's back to snoozing. Find your waterhole profile your lunch and prepare your strategy. Data mining has never been so tasty...

Anyone for tennis?

I watched the monster truck derby which women's tennis has become and thought that unless they play the full five sets those demure little waifs known collectively as "the williams sisters " will continue to behave like city traders quick nasty without care for the game they owe so much to and about to get caught out. On the other hand the men's final is much more like the small business environment. Worth the long term fight and having to go the distance. Of the two the mens had no losers not the players, not the spectators and not the game. The debacle on saturday ensured that everyone lost. Talk about sub prime sport!
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Service! what service?

Here we go again, my god I'm incensed I have been listening to whinging retailers stating that things have never been this bad and they have nobody visiting their shops and the world is coming to an end...
I have just had to point out that the reason that they are talking crap is that they are not really professional retailers they are order takers and a monkey can do that probably with better humour.
Shop keepers should be taught how to build a relationship with the customer not just their wallet! Take a look at Estate Agents for the last few years they have let people buy buildings from them with the only selling point being that they will increase their investment in a few years. oops that's going to smart! Now they have to re-learn how to sell the dream of owing a home all over again, if they ever knew about it in the first place.
On line shopping rules are:

1. You can always get it cheaper on the internet
2. You can guarantee that if you do it will be late/damaged/incorrect or just crap
3. After sales service is very much out of sight out of mind - please email our spam box with your complaints
4. You will never ever get to touch and feel the product before you have paid for it...

Off line we cannot do the same thing and get away with it the likes of Stanley Kalms have destroyed customer service if you want it cheap sold by a complete idiot who can manage to ignore you while actually in conversation with you. Its like talking to the party tart they look over your shoulder to see if they can see someone with slightly more money than you. I once got ignored midway from buying a top end laptop with an assistant because a voluptous woman wanted to get a cheap packet of printer paper. Did I go elsewhere? of course if I want to treated like an avatar then I can go on line.

The local computer store is hungry for my business and offers intellegent conversation of interest and serves great coffee even if you don't buy anything.

This is it then either learn about proper customer service or die cos you deserve not to survive...

Before we know where we are its halfway through summer and edging close to the longest day.
As I travel around supporting my clients I have found the panicky questions about when is the world going to end, seem to diminish and as long as the focus can remain on their business then I am happy.
Encouraging people to work on their growth plans is not more essential than ever and if we have forgotten it start treating our employees with a whole lot more respect. Try to make sure that when we come out of this small decline that they don't all jump ship because the business owner has been a right pain in the neck.
Nothing brings a business to its knees quicker than just as you think the world is getting back to normal you suffer a major skills exodus just look at the government in the UK. Don't even think that it is motivated for the greater good as proved with the expenses situation, oh sorry I thought morals were something you put on hold when filling in your expense claim... who in their right mind thought that trying it on just to see if you could get away with it was similar to taking up a moral position needs to seriously consider doing some form of enforced community work. I digress look after the staff you want to keep and the ones you want to lose as well in fact look after everyone if you can if you can't then shut up shop now before you lose any more money!

Working my way back home.

I went to one of my client's seminars this morning it seemed the right thing to do and the conference, held at the wellcome institute in London, was a great success although I didn't understand a great deal of it. Supporting my clients endeavours is part of my role and if nothing else it gives me a better idea of what I can do to help. This is an essential part of what makes me that litte but different I am around when others don't bother. If you want a report then go to someone else if you want it to happen then call me.
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ItHere I Am sitting in a hotel waiting for my next client meeting thinking about the way that all the people I meet are waiting with baited breath for the recession to start because if you listened to the BBC idiot with a speech impediment where he over emphasises every pause for effect Bob Peston the rest of without an index linked BBC pension should be very afraid ; not so Bob anyone with half a brain is doing nicely thanks; keep at it Bob you could talk us into watching Sky!
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Conference

Just came back from a BNI conference in Amsterdam really very good and very inspirational. As time goes on I start to see the benefit of conferences and some of the networking events as like-minded people get together and really get a new perspective on all that's going on. Sometimes I see that the bigger picture gets lost in a wave of negative crap that comes out of the press and on the box. If we listen too much we get to think that these idiots actually know what they are talking about unfortunately they can only talk in sound bites and try to get us all believe that if we had any money left after they have contrived to steal it all we are going to die of swine fever a sort of flu that is particularly virulent in third world countries as is cholera, typhoid, TB and a whole range of illnesses which mean nothing to us unless they have the ability to cause a panic then they become BIG news.
So there you go first it was we were all going to have to live on the streets as we don't have any cash left then we are going to die with a fever and if we survive that lot we are going to drown when the ice caps melt (again) or boil when the earth gets too hot to live on any longer.
Time to get a cold beer and sit down in front of the tele' until the world ends or I die of starvation or obesity whichever.